Emulation

Here are a couple of my own attempts to depict a Tosh1o Saek1 subject but in my own editorial style. I can't put a date to this piece, but I'd guess I made it about 15 years ago.

I provide both the black and white rough and the finished piece insofar as it was finished before I become bored with it.

Graphic

Tosh1o Saek1, one of the few artists whose work gave me a hard-on, back in the day when I could get hard-ons. I like the surreal sadism and perversity.

Here is a small collection harvested from the Web. I'll add more from my own collection in a later post.

The descriptions are what I see, not the original scenarios, as I cannot read the Japanese in the books from which I copied the pictures.



Often it's not immediately obvious what's happening - here, if you look close, the girl in the school clothes lying prone on the grass has taken her knickers off so that a snake can burrow up her cunt, or perhaps the snake is just crawling over her bum and its head appears to be one of the leaves.



More obviously this girl, again in school clothes, is being fucked by a procession of wind-up automatons



The woman sitting on the stairs is penetrated by her lover's head, which has turned into a cock, while a young girl spies on the couple.



A traditionally dressed woman, watched by her husband squats baring her crotch to a man held captive in the water - is she taunting and tempting him with the sight of her genitals, or is she about to piss or shit on him?



A captive woman in traditional dress has her blood sucked from her left breast by a vampiric man (who looks remarkably like Bryan Ferry) while vampire bats gorge themselves on the menstrual blood dripping from her womb.



One of my favourite images - a girl in uniform goes for a night-time bike ride, her bicycle seat transformed into a man's face, his open mouth and tongue ready to probe her cunt and arse if she sits down.



Saeki is fond of portraying bound young women lowered onto sharp objects. Here a young woman is threatened with death by impalement via her vagina while her horrified male companion watches.



A subtle but extremely perverse image I'll let speak for itself.



Having caught and bound a lovely mermaid, the man prepares her for fucking by making his own hole with a sturdy twig. Myself I always imagined that Mermaids and Mermen are dolphin-like below the waist and so have mammalian genitalia. Still, an image I find very sexy.



A woman is exorcised of a fox demon, which emerges from her cunt.



A murderous demon creeps up on a goddess while she masturbates using a living human man as a dildo.

Blowing a Wad

The contents of a shopping bag of porn I'm about to throw out. The pile is about an inch thick even spread out like this. What a sickening waste of money, what a heartbreaking waste of a life, over 35 years of life wanked away over this.

Even if there was no woman who would love me, who would make love with me, this was a ridiculous and wasteful substitute.

I'd have been better even spending on some whore, at least if I never knew love, I'd at least had the animal pleasure of poking my cock up some slapper's guts a few times.

Fishing Expedition

I originally posted the following on another blog on Friday 10th July, but have transferred it to here where it's more appropriate.

WARNING!

THIS POST CONTAINS PHOTOGRAPHS OF HARD PORNOGRAPHY WHICH READERS MAY FIND OFFENSIVE OR DISTASTEFUL. DO NOT READ IF YOU THINK YOU WILL FIND THIS OFFENSIVE. THIS BLOG IS BEHIND AN INTERSTITIAL AND YOU CANNOT HAVE REACHED IT WITHOUT HAVING READ OR IGNORED A WARNING ABOUT ITS ADULT NATURE.

I accept that I'm going to have nothing that I want, and can't even have simple pleasures like eating the food I enjoy, so why try to be a nice healthy normal guy - I'm not, I'm a lonely perverted yet utterly inexperienced fuck up, and I might as well face it that I have as a man nothing to interest women in having a romantic or sexual relationship with me. All that thinking or hoping they might has ever brought me is sadness and sorrow.

I'm still sad and sorrowful to think what my portion has been and will be, three women kissed in a lifetime is very little, but the fact is that sometimes that is all someone gets. Sometimes babies and children die without having experienced anything but pain. The world is not a kind place, and I had my chance, waited too long, and made myself ill, and it will not come again.

The only thing that I have left to me in my daily life that even approaches a pleasure, an interest, a hobby, is pornography, so I've decided I might as well enjoy what I can.

Yesterday I went to the library and posted the previous post. I had spent most of the morning and early afternoon in tears at my lack of anything in my life, particularly at the absence of love, and the realisation, based on a programme I'd heard on Radio 5 on the topic, that even when I've lost weight I will have hanging aprons and flaps of skin that will make me physically repulsive and inhibited, as much as being fat does. I'll still lose the weight, but I no longer hold any hope of having any love, any woman in my life once I have.

Leaving the library at around three in the afternoon I walked from Eccles across the whole of Salford to Castlefield, St Peters Square, Piccadilly, Oldham Street, and Shude Hill, stopping only to buy a small piece of computer equipment from Maplins.

About half way across Salford I decided to go and look for some pornographic magazines in Manchester. I've not bought pornography for a year, barring a couple of magazines bought from a local newsagents a couple of months ago on the off-chance. All the pornography I've looked at has been downloaded.

I knew from last year that very few shops even in Manchester now sell pornography, and those that do are either hole in the wall con-artists, ridiculously over-priced, or newsagents stocking just mild nudey mags aimed at the Nuts/Zoo type teenage lad who just wants the same sort of photographs of tarty girls he'd find in those, but showing a glimpse of fanny.

As of last year I know of only one old-style porn newsagents, owned by an indian guy and situated just off Oldham Street facing Affleck's Palace, so footsore I walked to this shop in the hope that there might be a new issue of Buttman in. Buttman is a magazine published by the American porn actor John Stagliano, who is one of the few people in porn who seems to do what he does because he's personally obsessed with it. The magazine doesn't need much description, the subject is summed up in the title, although Buttwoman might be closer. I've bought every copy of Buttman I've ever seen, since one of the very first issues about ten years ago

As far as "mainstream" pornography goes, Buttman is as close to my taste as it gets. It is focussed almost entirely on women showing their bottoms, women being buggered, and similar topics of anal play.

In the shop I could find only a couple of old issues of Buttman, so I bought a couple of mainstream porn magazines, the final issue of Legsex and a copy of 18eighteen, which used to be one of my favourite magazines when it was called Babyface, but which has lost a lot of its appeal for me since it stopped emphasising the youthfulness of its models.

I used to buy leg mags because the models were photographed full-body, rather than in crotch poses. and they were usually more or less dressed and there was a lot of emphasis on their bums because of the focus on their calfs and thighs, and I used to buy teen mags because I feel teenaged girls are something I've missed out on and will now never know. I know women in general are something I've missed out on, but there's still a chance I might fuck a 35 year old prostitute, but none that I'll have an 18 year old girlfriend. Also I liked that such magazines didn't dress their models in sexy clothes.























I bought the copy of 18eighteen because of the set of the girl on the cover, who is absolutely flat chested, which I prefer. I suppose that when I was buying lots of magazines, leg magazine and teengirl magazines were the two types of magazines I bought most of after bum mags and anal sex mags.























I had another quick look at the old copies of Buttman to make sure I hadn't overlooked the new issue, and the shop owner, who lives near me and who I chat to, suddenly said,"There is a new issue, it is over here". And it was. An absolutely new copy with a superb cover.























It's not the best issue of Buttman I've ever seen, there aren't enough photographs of women with widely dilated arseholes and visible rectums, no milk enemas, and not enough deep anal insertions, and there are no sets by Belladonna, who is one of the few women in porn who is clearly as obsessed and driven as the men, and ldelights in giving other women deep anilingus. That said it's still an good issue, and the set that the cover photo is taken from is perfectly to my tastes, with emphasis on the heaviness of the women's buttocks, held open poses showin good inviting strong muscular arseholes, and a bit of half-hearted sodomy by some anonymous guy which is made acceptable for me because it ends with one woman sucking the cock that has just been up the other woman's arse.




I sat in Shude Hill bus station looking in my bag at this copy of Buttman, thinking what a good selection of sets there were in it, and feeling that my £7.99 was well spent. I didn't wank when I got home, that can wait until during the week when I'm stuck for something to cheer me up. Even wanking is hard work these days with a flaccid cock.

When I got home I cooked a pork steak and had some salad with it and then went online to see wheher I could find some more extreme material. I went to ImageFap first, which is easily the biggest free porn gallery on the web, and which seems to have galleries of photographs of everything legal.

The best new gallery I found was one of women crying or looking otherwise unhappy or distressed while they were being fucked or spanked or tied up. I also found some extreme breast bondage. Easily the best things I found were in the Scat galleries, a pretty dark haired european woman, fully dressed, shitting in public in various places, passing good big healthy long stools squatting by a stream in a summer frock, kneeling by a wire fence in a cat suit with the seat ripped open at the seams and so on.

It's unusual to find photographs of white women shitting that aren't gross-out german shit-play. I'm not interested in seeing sexual shit-play, all I want to see is a normal woman having a normal shit. The japanese do this sort of thing with style and a surprising aesthetic sense, and as I find japanese women generally attractive, I'm happy to collect the japanese material, but it's good to find well-taken photos of an attractive young white woman shitting.

Along with a couple of photos of a young japanese woman dressed as a waitress shitting a sturdy turd in an alley, these are the best female shitting photos I've found on ImageFap and probably gave me the biggest turn-on I've had in a while.

I also found some nice non-nude stuff on one of the chan image boards and a fantastic if small format set of one of my favourite ever models on ImageS0urce, just an ordinary domestic interior with her naked, and mostly not posing explicitly, but I've always found her so lovely that this was a must-have.

I know that most people would find my sexual tastes at best stupid and distasteful, at worst sickening and nasty, but I'm determined not to be ashamed. I don't like being like this and I didn't consciously choose it, but I'm stuck with it.

Had I had a life, this stuff might never have interested me, but I haven't had a life. I wish I was otherwise, and had I been told at 20 that this would be my life at 50, I would have killed myself.

I may yet do so.

But in the meantime I have to get through the desolate hours and days with something.

It's all sad stuff really, but it's all I've got, so I might as well enjoy it. I'm certainly not going to enjoy a relationship in real life, like normal people do.

Fairyland

Looking on Overchan and Overbooru for pron and win to fap over, I found a thread of artwork by Ben Newm@n on a new chan board. His anatomy is a bit off as is his finish, but the actual themes of his artwork are close to what I was producing myself before I abandoned art.

The first illustration I saw was the one below "D0r0thy's Itch", which is technically the weakest but very similar to a scenario I once attempted myself. I'd have placed them in an Oz scene, on the Yellow Brick Road or in the Emerald City, I'd have made Dorothy look like the 16 year old Judy GarIand or Fa1ruza BaIk, I'd have given the Cowardly Lion a barely visible hard-on, I'd have made Toto smaller, and Dorothy would have slightly dirty knickers round her ankles, but otherwise I'd keep close to Nwm@n's composition.

I'm glad to have discovered this illustrator.

All credits for artwork is his.

Cut and paste to visit:
http://ben.isfj.org.uk/index.html
http://bennewmanart.blogspot.com/
http://www.bennewman.co.uk/

Nothing to Do with Sex or Love pt 2

WARNING: THIS POST CONTAINS SEXUALLY EXPLICIT PHOTOGRAPHS OF A MISOGYNISTIC NATURE

IF YOU THINK YOU MAY BE OFFENDED OR UPSET PLEASE LEAVE THIS PAGE AND DO NOT READ ANY FURTHER




Heavily medicated as I am for other problems, my cock has been reduced to a slack tag of flesh, so I’ve been prescribed V1agra. I’m worried it won’t work so I haven’t used it yet. V1agra doesn’t work unless one is turned on , and I don’t have a woman to love or make love with – the story of my life – so I’m going to have to test it by using pornography.

To that end I’ve been working through my collection to find my favourite images, images I’ve returned to over and again to wank over. Almost none of them are conventionally pornography in that they neither depict naked women nor normal sexual acts.

Instead they mostly depict women in situations I can best call parasexual acts, acts that are essentially humiliating, or uncomfortable, or painful, or all three. Clearly I can only imagine sexual fulfilment for myself in situations where women are robbed of choice, pleasure and control.

My sexuality, shaped by my very stunted life experiences and my sense of women not wanting me, is deeply vicious and malign.

I could overwhelm this post with the hundreds of images I’ve selected for the V1agra, so I’ll reduce them to representative photos that sum up how perverse my sexual motivation are.

I don’t think my sexuality was always this vicious, I think my inclinations are largely a reaction to the frustration and sexual disregard I have always experienced from women.

Take for granted that many of the photographs dwell on the sexual and excretory possibilities of women’s bottoms – I won’t detail these here, having detailed them in an earlier post.

Looking through all these photographs I understand why my masturbatory obsessions are vicious and abusive - most men using porn are seeking to re-play the experiences they have had with their lovers, and so want nudity and normal sex depicted in photos and videos. I have been denied those experiences by women - women have never desired me so I wish to see and imagine them in situations where they feel pained and humiliated like I do, and in situations where they have no choice over what a man does to them

I’m not turned on much by the sight of women’s cunts, I think they can look pretty, but they don’t excite me much. That said Carla Fernande3 looked inviting in these photos.





I'm not a fan of pubic hair when it's partly shaved as above, and though I don't mind the touch of a woman's pubic hair, visually I prefer to see women with a completely waxed and peachy clefted mons.

Here are two excellent examples, The first three of a lovely unknown chinese woman and the last of porn star VVendy James.



Nice bum as well




But usually I’m only turned on by a photo of a woman’s cunt if it’s gaping open so far that I can see the neck of her cervix. Such photos are rare and usually badly done. This one turns me on because the woman is holding her cunt open herself, the neck of her womb is visible and she’s having her period.

This is another good one even though medicalised by the use of speculums, but again a good clear view up to the mouth of their wombs.




Although - as I've said - I have dealt in depth elsewhere with my heavy sexual fascination for bottoms, it will be impossible for me to write here without acknowledging it to some degree because it's so central to my sexuality.

A representative example of this obsession are the following photographs of early 90s porn actress K1tty Yung. I found her very attractive, particularly for her very oriental face and her body, which was slender but yet still had a round and shapely bum. I have a variety of sets of her, almost all featuring her being bummed , and a video of her being bummed so violently that her head repeatedly smacks against the hard back of a chair, but the photo I’ve most often wanked over, a straight-forward pose of her kneeling with her back to the camera and her buttocks well spread to show a neat and inviting arsehole.





A much more subtle example of the same obsession, a 30 year old photo from Mayfair magazine at its suburban best – a domestic setting, a fully dressed young woman in conventional blouse and skirt, a pretty face, a hint of promise, and just enough bottom on view to suggest what’s going to be on the menu.



Another 30 year old photograph, again conventionally dressed, again a slightly androgynous model, this time in uniform, probably from a spanking magazine called Roue or Janus. It still gives me pleasure because it helps me fantasise getting my own back on all the girls who showed me such contempt and disregard in 5th and 6th form. And of course, she’s baring her bum, which is what I like best.



And another photograph about 30 years old from possibly the first spanking magazine I ever bought, which I like for the same reasons as the one above, but in which the young woman gives off a strong sense of submissiveness, and she has such a lovely big fleshy bottom and thighs.



J0anne Guest, a woman who I’ve wanked over since the early nineties. Unusually for glamour models J0 became a celebrity and TV presenter for a while, so I know what her voice sounds like, know she’s quite funny, and know she has trouble pronouncing “th” sounds. She’s had a gorgeous figure from her late teens to her mid/late 30s, and although she never did hard porn, I always favoured her because of her signature poses, lying on the floor arching her back to stick out her bum, and even more than that, standing and deeply thrusting her bum at the camera so that her cheeks part widely and her arsehole shows.

She has a very attractive arsehole, a small vertical slit surrounded by a neat pink starburst areola of pucker. Even in her mid 30s she has no skin tags or piles, so I guess she rarely suffers from constipation and rarely if ever lets her boyfriends bum her. Having seen up the bums of a number of long-term anal sex actresses, like N1na HartIey, I know the arseholes of women - and men - who take a lot of buggery quickly get reduced to ragged slack pits.

Jo hasn’t worked for a couple of years, but even as a woman on the verge on middle age, she looks a plump treat.




An unknown model but a great photo, it shows off her legs, hands and face whilst keeping the focus of interest on her spread bum and neat arsehole.



A turn of the millennium photo of a Chinese woman in the USA again fully dressed and showing her arsehole in a public place.



Probably my favourite photograph on the spread bum theme, porn actress Sabr1na Maui in a full ody kneeling pose hauling apart the cheeks of her bottom in so blunt a way as to shout unmistakably "look at my arsehole ". She can stand along with Kitty Yung as an example of my liking for oriental women.

Many of the philipina, chinese, korean, and japanese porn actresses in the States specialise in anal sex, and I wonder whether there is any connection with the claim that the word cornhole for anus or buggery came from chinese prostitutes who came to service the indentured chinese railwayworkers in the 19th Century and used to whore themselves for basic foods. Chinese people were considered bottom of the heap in the US in those days, held in even lower regard than blacks, so the prostitutes struggled for customers, and white american men looked on them as the lowest and cheapest prostitutes available. Preferring rice as a staple, but prepared to accept maize, their business cry was supposed to be "First hole rice hole, second hole corn hole" on the misunderstanding that their clients would pay more for vaginal than anal intercourse.

I’m attracted to European women and Oriental women but rarely to women of African descent.



A rare photograph of missionary vaginal intercourse to turn me on, I think because of the strong three-dimensionality of the cock going into her cunt.



Next is a vintage photograph probably from the USA sometime in the 40s. An unconvincing and uncomfortable stiff image of buggery, there’s no way that the man’s cock is penetrating the woman’s arsehole. That doesn’t matter – what turns me on is the sense of discomfort, the public nature of the act, and the position of the woman, her dress thrown up and her body bent in an impersonal unloving position that reduces her to a rectum to be packed with cock.



A good bumming photograph in an unusual pose – a good-looking if over made up woman with a good body and some emotion on her face, which is rare. I have the full set and unusually for porn, the guy’s cock is buried up her arse to the balls in most of the photos. Usually bumming sets depict the cock up the woman’s arse only up to the glans.. The one thing I dislike about anal sets in commercial porn is that the women usually have enemas before they perform so they never have dirty bottoms. A bit of shit on her arse or his cock would make it even more of a turn on for me.



I’d love to stick my fingers up a woman’s bum like this. I once tried it and the woman didn't like it. Again, I’d prefer it if the woman to whom I was doing it had a dirty bum. As a substitute for the real thing this has to do.



Next a photograph from a set from a 30 year old issue of ERO magazine, which has always turned me on, mostly because the woman in the photo is getting no pleasure from the act depicted and her cunt is essentially being misused by having a rolled up copy of ERO itself stuck in it.



A photograph I find a terrific turn-on, a shoe that has been on a dirty floor right up a woman's cunt. It gives a whole new meaning to the observation that "women love shoes"



Here is a photograph of porn actress V1olet Blue, It was from a large set taken for one of the “Barely Legal” type magazines, in which readers were offered the chance to win the knickers she was using in the picture. Hence she pushed every pair into her quim and arsehole so that her smell would be on them, I’m always turned on by inappropriate insertions into female bodies, particularly with name models like V1olet Blue, but I'm also turned on by the thought of being able to smell her on them, fanny or arse.



ChIoe des Lysses did a lot of work in the 90s but is now reputedly trying to track down and get rid of all her old erotica. Most of her work was anally-oriented and a lot of it was Black and White, This is from a rare series of colour photos. There’s a famous self-taken photo of Robert Mapplethorpe with a whip handle up his arse. That’s supposed to be art, but I’d far rather look at Chloe with a whip handle up hers. As I’ve written, I like inappropriate insertions, and if i' s up a woman’s arse rather than her fanny, all the better. I like it that ChIoe is fully dressed and I think she’s very pretty. I’ve wanked over her a lot.




A good quality version of a photo I’ve had for decades – I love to see women bottle-slotting, and this girl is attractive and young to boot.



A late 80s model called Anna who appeared in PRlVATE a lot. She was no looker but had an ok body and was happy to put odd objects in her fanny. I like the utter inappropriateness of a coke can. A photo I’ve returned to again and again over the years.



As far as I know, the following model, “Randi” only appeared on the defunct “big insertions” specialist site , S1ckpuppie.com. She was feminine and boyish at the same time, and is one of my favourite models. She would stick al variety of things up herself. Again, I’ve wanked over her insertion photos a lot.




A blunt and anonymous anal fisting photo. It’s a shame we can only see the woman’s bum and feet, because her expression would be a delight to see. That must be very uncomfortable indeed, her rectum must be packed and her arsehole is clearly deforming as the fister’s hand is withdrawn. I have other photos of anal fisting, most with, as I prefer - the model's whole body and face visible, but this is the most extreme and so the one that turns me on most.



One of my favourite photographs. I often fantasise about burying my face between the cheeks of a woman’s arse, a woman who has been at work all day and who hasn't had a chance to have a shower or bath yet.



A funny and sexy public weeing photo - I like photos and videos of women weeing very much, just ordinary squatting wees but preferably taken in public.



I'm very turned on by seeing a woman getting a faceful of spunk - no pleasure in it for her, just for him at seeing her humiliated. This is one of the few topics I prefer to see in video because one can see the flickering moues of disgust as the spunk squirts into the woman's face and hear her gagging if the man spunks into her throat. The first image is the cover of one of the first hardcore magazines I ever bought and I love it that she's getting spunk in her eyes and nose, the second a compilation from a turn-of-the-nineties PRlVATE magazine which I like because the woman is playing with the spunk, the third my favourite, badly photographed by a boyfriend or husband I guess, one hand on his camera the other probably on his cock, and the woman clearly loathing the experience.





Soph1e Dee, a UK model who works in the USA. This is a recent photo of her venting a milk enema from her colon into another woman’s mouth. I like this because I find Sophie Dee with her cheeky face very attractive. GenerallyI prefer to see proper enemas being expelled, and the best photosets are usually Japanese - milk enema porn isn’t proper enema porn, as the women have had proper enemas before the session to clear their guts out. The Japanese in particular do proper enemas, so that the women usual vent an enema that is brown and shitty, and often do it in the street.

I'm not turned on by seeing the enema administered, only squirted out.





To see the sort of female defecation photos I wank over click here and scroll down.

I have a strong taste for abusive sado-masochistic pornography - some examples are posted here


Considering the nature of most of this porn - focused away from normal sex and straightforward nudity, oriented towards excretory organs and functions, pivoting on hate not love, I can only admit that my sexuality is deeply disturbed, probably from my sense that women feel sexual contempt and a desire to punish those I desire so much for being unavailable to me.

But I doubt my tastes will change now, nearer to the end of my life than the beginning.